Friday, September 06, 2013

Ang Bagong Apple of the Eye ni Presidente

Two weeks ago, when I arrived home, my wife greeted me with a question. “Guess who PNoy is dating!”

I made a face. “Should I even care?” I asked.

“Yes!” my wife insisted.

So we played a game of Twenty Questions. I rattled off various celebrities and, thwarted there, started guessing at occupations. I came very close when I asked, “Is she a lawyer?” but from that point I was stumped.

“Sirit?” my wife asked.

“Okay. Fine. Hit me.”

She mentioned a name. My jaw dropped. Then we both said: “Eeeeeew!”

* * *

That was two weeks ago, back when the whole thing was just a rumor among friends. As of last week, the entire country knows the rumor about who “the apple of the eye” of the president is.

The subject of Noynoy Aquino’s love life is normally a reason to scoff, but this time, my wife took an interest, and she thought I would, too. The reason is this: we both know the lady. They were classmates in high school and they went to the same university. Some Sundays, we would see her in church with her family.

Of course, she’s also a minor celebrity. She’s always been “crush ng bayan,” and more than that, she’s smart, too. After finishing accounting, she went on to law and passed the bar. While in school, she and her teammates won in a nationally televised debate competition.

But now the rest of the country knows her as Noynoy’s date.

* * *

So...eeeeew?

By most accounts, many men could go so much worse than date a woman like her. Likewise, ever since a bachelor assumed the presidency, he’s been linked to various celebrities (none of which really worked out, I might add.)

But goddamit! he’s old enough to be her father. So, eeeeeew! and eeeeeew! and please have another eeeeeeew! Deep down, we feel that some sense of decency is being broken because goddamit! he’s old enough to be her father.

The popular web comic XKCD ran a strip on just this issue. It presented a formula for determining when the age difference in a romantic coupling becomes creepy. In effect, the minimum age of the younger partner should be half the age of the older plus seven (X / 2 + 7). So an 18-year-old can date a 16-year-old but a 30-year-old shouldn’t date anyone younger than 22.

Noynoy is 53, and that raises just all kinds of creepy.

* * *

There are a great plenty of other things in the country to be concerned about, but Filipinos that we are, we always have time for a little bit of juicy gossip. It’s the sort of thing that we thought we’d left behind in high school, about who’s crushing on whom.

It’s just the sort of thing Kris Aquino would squeal about.

Speaking of which: how would you like to have Kris Aquino as a sister-in-law?

Eeeeeeeeewwwww!