Something is broken inside of me. It was either from exercising too much, or from working too long on the computer, or from playing too many video games. Whatever it was I did, I slipped a disc in my neck and pinched a nerve. And with that, I entered a world of chronic pain down my shoulder and my arm.
To ease the pain somewhat, I've taken to wearing a soft collar brace. If I keep my neck positioned at just the right angle, it doesn't hurt so much. The soft collar brace, just under P500 from a medical supply store, is surprisingly warm and toasty, not at all constricting as I first expected.
But then come the strange looks and the inevitable question: what happened to you?
Armed with new words in my medical vocabulary, I first tried the straightforward answer. "Cervical spondylosis with radiculopathy." Invariably the reply: "Excuse me? What?"
So rather than go through long explanations, I've just decided to have fun with it. Here are some variations I thought up.
1. The Fashion Statement. "Oh, this? This is all the rage among the fashionable young. Soon everyone will be wearing these collars."
2. The Unfashion Statement. "Sure it looks ugly, but it's very comfortable. It keeps my neck warm. Would you like to try?"
3. The Vanity Card I. "It's a new beauty treatment. I want to have a long and graceful swan-like neck."
4. The Vanity Card II. "This is to get rid of my double chin. You should try it."
5. The Twilight. "When I woke up this morning, I had two bite marks in my neck."
6. The Whiplash. "There was this real sexy girl that passed by, see? Yeah, she was that sexy."
7. The Oaf. "I was too slow getting inside the elevator."
8. The Daredevil I. "Skydiving last weekend. My chute didn't open."
9. The Daredevil II. "I went bungie jumping on the Bangkerohan Bridge." (Surprisingly this received many credulous responses.)
10. The Ex-President. "You know that neck problem GMA has? Same thing."
The last explanation, by the way, is the shortest and most correct one. To which most people will reply with a wink, "Aaah, sakit mayaman."
Yeah, smart alecks are annoying. I think I'll just stick with my bungie jumping story in the future.