Thursday, May 25, 2006

Warning: religious wars ahead

Wilan Bigay, my buddy from Dumaguete, offered this translation of the code from Curt Jester into traditional VB:

Namespace DVC

Public Class DaVinciCode
Inherits HolyBloodHolyGrail

' Set values, later to be overridden by Dan Brown method
Private monksInOpusDei As Boolean = False
Private jesusMarriedMaryMagdalene As Boolean = False
Private existenceOfPrioryOfZion As Boolean = False
Private bibleCollatedByConstantine As Boolean = False
Private nicaeaCreatedDivinityOfChrist As Boolean = False
Private gospelsLaterEditedToSupportClaims As Boolean = False
Private cupMissingFromLastSupper As Boolean = False
Private saintJohnNotInPicture As Boolean = False

Public Sub Book()

While (peopleWillingToBelieveAnything And christianBashingAcceptable)
bookSales = bookSales + 1
movieHype = movieHype + 1
danBrownsBankAccount = danBrownsBankAccount + 1
historicalAccuracy = historicalAccuracy - 1
artHistoryAccuracy = artHistoryAccuracy - 1
skepticism = skepticism - 1
badWriting = badWriting + 1
If (asLongAsItIsNotTheVirginMary) Then divineFeminineSupport = divineFeminineSupport + 1
Dim mainStreamMediaChallengeCredibility As Boolean = False
Dim excuse As String = "It's a fictional book"
Dim action As String = "Spend hours writing to debunking books complaining that " & excuse
Dim seeContradictionSpendingTimeDefendingFiction As Boolean = False
For Each outlet As media In mainStreamMedia
Dim freePublicity As Boolean = True
Dim notPointOutObviousFlaws As Boolean = True
Dim dontOffendMuslimsAtAllCosts As Boolean = True
Dim christianBashingOkayThough As Boolean = True
Dim misrepresentOpusDei As Boolean = True
Dim askIsJusticeScaliaAMember As Boolean = True

End While

End Sub
End Class

End Namespace

I post it here verbatim, and I make no additional comments. As we all know, programming language preference is a religious issue. People will naturally be sensitive.


  1. Hah. I second that motion.

  2. Maybe a PHP port is in order.....

  3. Fire away, ladies and gents. As for me, I'll just take cover.

  4. Sorry for the bad indentation. Visual Studio .NET pampered me for that :)