It's past midnight, and I really should be in bed. But for the first time in so many weeks, I have a steady -- albeit slow -- Internet connection at home and I just can't pry myself from the keyboard.
Besides, there's a pressing thought that's weighing in on me right now.
The thought is: How did I get so dumb?
The feeling crept up on me today as I was reading up on LTSP. I still understood most of the concepts, I started wondering why I didn't pay closer attention to this. And at the back of my mind I was thinking of the hundred-and-one things that could go wrong if I did set this up in a production environment. My confidence is really just so shot.
I think the last year-and-a-half working with the Technical Sales Support for IBM Systems and Technology Group really did me in. Firefighting and sales really took out the spark of creativity and curiosity in me so much so that I really haven't had the inclination to explore new developments in Linux.
LTSP ain't even half of it. I missed out on so many new things like the new virtualization technologies, XUL, live distros, etc. I am old, and my knowledge is old.
Am I passing blame where the blame should be mine? Perhaps. Perhaps I shouldn't have let customers, business partners, and other IBMers weigh down on me too much. Perhaps I shouldn't have paid too much attention to the CritSits (IBM Services never gave me any credit anyway). Perhaps I shouldn't have focused on fixing Red Hat-Oracle-TotalStorage compatibility problems. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....
What the heck? If I did any work on open source virtualization, or live distros, or XUL, what would it have gotten me anyway? "Oh, no, we can't implement those; they're UNSUPPORTED."
And now: a glimpse of the road not taken. Should I have taken a Master's Degree outside the country? Maybe I might have ended up in a research lab where I wanted to be in the first place.
Time slips away. So do the opportunities.
I really need to get my confidence level back up.
Ladies and gentlemen: three months onward, and my verdict still hasn't changed. I'm so glad I left.
Thank you for listening to my rant.